By Dennis Cometti

I’ve spent the last few weeks watching the annual ‘Bowl’ matches in NCAA American football.In many ways most of the games are pointless but the last game decides just which University is the national champion.

This week that team turned out to be the Auburn Tigers which edged the Oregon Ducks in a ripper.

But this isn’t about the games, it’s about the names!

As the games rolled on I actually found myself checking school nicknames on the net simply because they struck me as so pathetic.

For instance there can’t be many Tigers in Alabama! Okay, and Richmond.

As for Ducks. Well, I’m not sure Oregon has got the market cornered.

A few days earlier the Horned Frogs of Texas Christian University just pipped the Badgers of Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl.

Prior to that I’d watched the Sooners (definitely not worth the hunt) win the Fiesta bowl, the Hokies (don’t bother) lose the Orange Bowl and the Ohio State Buckeyes (a small nut) outclass the Arkansas Razorbacks (a mongrel hog) in the Sugar Bowl.

Among the other winners and losers over the three weeks were the Texas A & M Aggies (‘thought’ to taken from the word agricultural), the Nebraska Cornhuskers, Alabama’s Crimson Tide (upon investigation – no idea) and the Tar Heels of North Carolina (ditto), Which got me thinking … and you thought there was no point to this?

Sport is not well served with nicknames!

For instance, easily the most common nickname in American Collegiate sports is ‘Eagles’ (over 60 schools).

Didn’t the boys at Indian Pacific Ltd do a stellar job back in ’86?

Eagles is then followed by a vast assortment of jungle animals, other birds and some of the weirdest stuff known (or not known) to man.

Suddenly ‘Dockers’ was looking good, no very good, no bloody fantastic!

Put it down to the heat if you like but I’ve decided the Fremantle footy club has the best nickname in world sport.

It’s actually original, educational and downright sexy.

Not only that, the whole concept was themed from the start.

You know, green on the right for starboard and red on the left for port.

Eh, they’ve done what?

Damn!

Well they’re still the Dockers anyway, and that’s good.

But is it too late to keep the whole package, however diluted?

What about just a hint of red (home) and green (away) on that now shrunken Dockers anchor? Or maybe a multi-coloured collar, say green on Pav’s strong side and red sitting high atop No.32’s raking left foot?

Small thing I know, but I am on holidays after all and I do like to help.

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More to the point, even in the bad old days when the Dockers threatened their players with lucrative contract extensions if they didn’t improve they clearly got some things right.

Or if you like, ship shape.

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